Stephanie and I were talking tonight about what lies ahead of us with the new baby. I brought up how agitated I can get when people ask, "Is the baby sleeping through the night?" The question, though supposedly expressing concern for the baby's well being, at least to me, is really expressing concern for the parents' well being. So, why not just ask the parents if they are sleeping through the night? To be fair, some do ask that question, but I believe this just shows that the concern is for the parents rather than the baby.
When I am asked questions such as this I always wonder how I should answer. I do not wish to be rude or condescending or point out the assumptions being made by the questioner. Instead I really want to be honest and positive. Well, we started brainstorming what a honest and positive answer to the question above should be from parents like us who co-sleep with their baby and from a mother who breastfeeds on demand during the night. Well, I racked my head for a few minutes with nothing but sarcastic and rather inappropriate answers. (I won't share them here.) Stephanie in a genius moment came up with the perfect answer with the positive and honest attributes I was looking for. She said, "Just tell them, 'It doesn't matter, because I'm still getting plenty of sleep at night.'" Brilliant!
The family bed and breastfeeding on demand are contrarian ideas today. It definitely is a unique way of doing things, but it works for us. So, I think I need to tell it like it is to those who pose the question, "Is your baby sleeping through the night?"
I can't wait to be asked.
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5 comments:
Hmm... my immediate thought is that people might feel terribly sorry for your wife! I mean, what they will envision is dad snoring away while mom is up all night long with the baby.
I'm pretty dense when it comes to remembering what things people will freak out about. I just told people "oh, she'll wake up for a minute or two, but then we all fall right back to sleep". Or something about nursing and sleeping at the same time.
Just a thought.
wether you co-sleep, breastfeed,both or nether you will be getting up during the night. I think it's a "mile stone" people look for and are just trying to be in your world for a moment which for sure is all about baby and sleep or lack of. Be proud of how you raise your children! If it works for you it's all that matters. I love your blog :)
As I spend another night not able to sllep I can hardly wait to have this lil one as I know from my first I truly get more sleep with a newborn in the house than I do while pregnant. I long to have those sleep inducing hormones aiding me and babe to sleepyland.
As I read Davids post I thought aout how I DO want my babies to nurse at night. There are many reasons for this ut the top 2 on my list are between the hours of 1 and 4 am your prolactin levels are at their highest and if baby nurses in that timeframe at least once that will help in delaying your periods from returning which also helps with child spacing. The second one is baby can nurse for as long as he/she wants without interuption which helps with supply but also their are studies that show a nursling recives more nutrition at night than during the day. This must be why my 7 pound first born was 14 pounds at 8 weeks!!
I didn't nurse and my husband woke for most night feedings (in part because I had serious bradycardia and related heart problems as a result of childbirth and needed more rest and heart medications than the average new mom ever gets), but I also got that question all the time. I never found it annoying when my baby was younger. I guess, like a previous commenter, I thought they were asking about a milestone.
'Course, now that my baby is 14 months old and still getting up at 5 a.m., and not wanting milk or anything - just wanting to play - I find it very annoying, simply because it reminds me that I'm still not sleeping! :) (I'll readily admit that's a parent-centered response, but it's the truth. :/)
Beate (my sister) and I get this question often when we are carrying around a little one in a sling. We generally reply with something about how we wouldn't let them if they tried :-) It isn't good for them or for us for the reasons Stephanie mentioned. I think that people are just really honestly ignorant that sleeping for more than four hours without nursing is not good for a nursling. They also, like the first commenter, are not aware that some breastfeeding moms truly do not get up during the night, as in do not leave the bed or really wake up, especially after the first few weeks.
Can't wait to hear about the birth!
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